That blood curdling scream you heard through the Hollywood Hills this week is Charlie Sheen finally realizing how bad he f-ed up and his cash cow is about to close it’s door for business. But instead of doing what most people would do to get their $2 million dollar a week job back…beg…the warlock wrote this letter instead.

MY fans may tune in for a minute, but at the end of the day, no one cares about your feeble show without me. Shame on you. Not even a phone call to the man that put you on the map. The man that put 500 million dollars in your pockets. You were on your way out of Warner Bros. with a buy out and a cup of cold coffee in your shaky and clammy hands. And then I walked into your office. And you created a show BASED ON MY AWESOME LIFE. I busted my ass for 8 years to support your vision. Your dream. In turn, it is my nightmare. You sad silly fool. A-hole pussy loser. Put on the gloves you low rent, nut-less sociopath; I’ll beat your chicken shit soul in a court room into a state of gratitude. A state of surrender. Something you left at the door every time you blundered into the pathetic AA loser lounge. Newsflash; they are planning on voting you off the AA island. Even those clowns have no room for you anymore. Wow, I’m sure your children are SO PROUD of you. You can teach’em how to be a stupid bitch.

From the ‘does anyone still care’ file…Brandon Davis has been arrested.

Cops were called to the Roosevelt Hotel after Brandon allegedly punched comedian Ben Gleib in the face. We’re told Davis was denied entry to Beacher’s Madhouse beforehand for his erratic behavior. When police arrived, they searched Davis and found drugs, which law enforcement sources tell us was cocaine.

Davis was arrested for battery and possession of a controlled substance — a felony — and is currently being held at the Hollywood Police Department.

You remember Brandon. He’s the greasy friend of Paris Hilton that called Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch.

Source

Remember the episode of The Osbournes several years ago when the family spent time at their home in Malibu? I think Ozzy had to shuffle his old ass to the fire station to get a fire permit for a beach bonfire …. they were staying at the house because their LA mansion was being de-flead. Anyway…Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne have put it up for sale to cover their huge ass tax bill.

The 4,500 square-foot, five bedroom, five bathroom home boasts two balconies with spectacular ocean views is for sale at the bargain price of $10 million.

Earlier this month the couple were at risk of losing the property after running up a $1.7million tax bill. Last week, Sharon frankly discussed the reasons behind her huge unpaid tax bill and happily admitted: ‘I’m to blame.’

The former X Factor judge said she lost track of her family’s finances because she was spending too much time focusing on herself. The 58-year-old said although she initially blamed her accountant she was now taking full responsibility for the bill.

‘Even though he is paid to do a job, the buck stops with me,’ she said. He did say “I’m to blame,” but I’m to blame because I didn’t care enough. I was too involved with myself. I cancelled two meetings with him over the last 18 months because I was way too busy. The last couple of years, I have really been concentrating on myself – because I think I love myself a little bit too much – and not taking care of business,’ she said.

I guess that what happens when you beat cancer and both your strung out kids finally get clean.

Source

I’ve known some OCD – particular -way too picky -  ahole men in my life and Will.i.am. is now top of my list. As I was reading his interview in ELLE I was laughing and getting pissed all at the same time.

For a dude that spells his name with periods and dresses like a gay hipster he sure is judgmental.

ELLE: If you walked into a woman’s house, what one item would convince you that you weren’t compatible?W: If she had condoms in her house, that would just fuckin’ throw me off. That’s just tacky.

ELLE: Well, okay, I could see if she had a candy bowl full of them on the coffee table. But if she’s got a few in a drawer, wouldn’t that simply suggest she’s health-conscious?

W: I just think, like, if you’re into someone and you guys get to that level, then that’s something you should converse about together and say, “Hey, maybe we should get some.” Another pet peeve is wet sinks.

ELLE: Wet sinks?

W: Yeah, like a wet sink. You don’t wipe the sink after you use it? Dry it off! And if she’s got only dry toilet paper and no baby wipes next to the toilet. You ain’t got no baby wipes?

ELLE: I’ve heard about this particular deal breaker before. Why is that a big deal to you?

W: Here’s proof on why people should have baby wipes. Get some chocolate, wipe it on a wooden floor, and then try to get it up with some dry towels. You’re going to get chocolate in the cracks. That’s why you gotta get them baby wipes.

This might be the first smart career move Megan Fox has ever made. She’s ruined her gorgeous face with plastic surgery and fillers. She’s such a pain in the ass she was fired from one of the biggest movie franchises ever. She continues to choose the crappiest of crap roles that are offered to her. And she gives awful interviews and comes across as a major bitch.

But having this AWFUL tattoo of Marilyn Monroe removed off her forearm is the smartest thing this girl has ever done. She is in the middle of laser treatment to have the ill-placed ink permanently removed from her very thin body.

The picture of the left was from a few years ago at a Transformer premiere when she was still bankable. The picture on the left is from last week…after all the face tweeking. She’s very Heidi Montag-looking now, non?

22 year-old Taylor Swift is banking. This is the third or fourth home I’ve read that she purchased over the past few months.

For her hard earned $3.5 million Taylor will be able to hang in this Beverly Hills cottage when she is in L.A. working. Her full-time home is still in Nashville.

The property was built in 1941. There are 3 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms in the main house plus a guest cottage. It features a tennis court and sits on almost 1.5 acres of land which lends plenty of space for outdoor entertaining. It also comes with a separate, detached one bedroom guest cottage with vaulted ceiling, fireplace and a compact but fully-equipped kitchenette.

Cute digs..suits her. Let’s  hope the last owner takes all that crap with them when they leave. Seriously…Too.Much.Stuff. I have an anxiety attack just looking at all that STUFF.

Somehow in about a month, Snooki has gone from trashy Italian oompa-loompa to a really cute girl.

She recently tweeted, “As everyone’s planning their night at the club,” she recently Tweeted, “I’m wondering when Gold’s [Gym] closes.

Of course she claims the standard celebrity diet has helped her shed at least 20 pounds. Egg whites and grilled chicken salads…but I don’t know. She lost ALOT of weight in a short amount of time.

Read more about it here.

Source

This might be the most disturbing celebrity story I’ve heard in a while. Not only does Amanda Seyfried really like dead, stuffed animals…she is buying them to decorate her home. And not like deer head or swordfish or some big game that someone shot…which is all still yuk but what she just had delivered to her home is ever worse. A dead, stuffed baby horse.

A dead horse that has been artfully stuffed and preserved, that is. “I love good taxidermy, it’s like art. A lot of people think it’s weird but I don’t know why.”

She also talked about her latest purchase, a taxidermied horse named Antoine.

“I got another animal, I’m going to share,” Seyfried said. “I bought a three-week-old just this week. Well, it was three weeks old when it died. [It's a] miniature horse.” And it’s headed for a very special place in her Los Angeles home…

“It’s being shipped to L.A. as we speak. And it’s going to be Finn‘s new best friend unless he tries to eat it. It’s like this big, I can carry it.” (Finn being her Australian sheep dog.) “It’s very well done,” Seyfried added. “It’s the best taxidermy in the world.”

Source

Yeah. This biatch gave birth three months ago and she looks like this. I don’t really have anything nice to say about Miranda Kerr right now so I’ll follow my own house rule and not say anything at all.

Other than to remind all my sisters out there that she is a total freak of genetics and nature and please don’t hold yourself to this standard.

In case you were wondering and you still care, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are definitely still a couple.

Kristen made a very low-key appearance at the party for the premiere of Rob’s movie Water for Elephants.

Somehow no one managed to get any pictures of them together inside the party, but photographers did snap a few good ones of them kissing in the car.

And hold on to your hats kids…Kristen actually looks happy.