That blood curdling scream you heard through the Hollywood Hills this week is Charlie Sheen finally realizing how bad he f-ed up and his cash cow is about to close it’s door for business. But instead of doing what most people would do to get their $2 million dollar a week job back…beg…the warlock wrote this letter instead.

MY fans may tune in for a minute, but at the end of the day, no one cares about your feeble show without me. Shame on you. Not even a phone call to the man that put you on the map. The man that put 500 million dollars in your pockets. You were on your way out of Warner Bros. with a buy out and a cup of cold coffee in your shaky and clammy hands. And then I walked into your office. And you created a show BASED ON MY AWESOME LIFE. I busted my ass for 8 years to support your vision. Your dream. In turn, it is my nightmare. You sad silly fool. A-hole pussy loser. Put on the gloves you low rent, nut-less sociopath; I’ll beat your chicken shit soul in a court room into a state of gratitude. A state of surrender. Something you left at the door every time you blundered into the pathetic AA loser lounge. Newsflash; they are planning on voting you off the AA island. Even those clowns have no room for you anymore. Wow, I’m sure your children are SO PROUD of you. You can teach’em how to be a stupid bitch.

I was just telling someone last night that we can expect some crazy ass shit from the warlock soon. Not all of his shows are selling out like the first two did. He needs to use some of his tiger blood mojo to get some asses in some seats. Yeah….starving pugs should do the trick.

And he did. Today TMZ broke this crazy story.

Back when Charlie and Denise split, Charlie took custody of her 2 pugs so the kids could play with them when they visited him — which she had before they got married.  Things were ok for a while, but after Charlie’s meltdown at the Plaza hotel in NYC, Denise started getting calls that the pugs were malnourished and neglected.

Things became so alarming, we’re told Denise went to Charlie’s and he gave her the dogs.  Sadly, one of them died of malnutrition, but the other is ok. Now Charlie wants the dog back, and sources say he just wants the pooch as a mascot on his tour bus.

As for Charlie’s tweet — “We must bombard with Warlock Napalm, that traitor and loser whore #DUH -neese POOR-ARD. A VILE KIDNAPPER AND NOW DOG THIEF.  HATE.”

But Denise is steadfast … claiming Charlie can’t even take care of himself and she’s not giving up the pug.

Where the warlock goes, the goddesses are sure to follow. Charlie has confirmed that girls will join him on a private jet and will fly from city to city as he brings his ‘torpedo of violent truth’ to a theater near you.

The girls will be staying with #fastball in his hotel room but will not appear on stage.

I just read that TLC is doing the documentary on Charlie Sheen that we all new was coming. It is cleverly titled, Charlie Sheen: On The Brink. I’m sure it will be just recycled footage we’ve all seen over and over the past month..but if you aren’t just sick and tired of hearing, ‘Duh! Winning!” by now then by all means watch it.

I’m sure that TLC would much rather have Charlie for a reality show. He’d fit in nicely on the same network as those procreating Duggars, no? But they can’t afford his rockstar from Mars salary requirements.

If you fall into the group that wouldn’t rather stick a fork in your eye than hear him say ‘winning’ again..then got directly to his website and purchase one of his new gnarly t-shirts.

Take your pick of an array of already tired slogans like, “Tiger Blood,” “Duh Winning,” “Gnarls Gnarlington,” and “I’ve Got One Speed Go!”

Then wear it and get laughed out of  town.

It’s unfortunate that in the middle of Charlie Sheen’s breakdown his little girl Sam is turning 7 years old. But life goes on even when daddy is losing his warlock mind. I don’t think anyone, except for Charlie, is surprised that Denise Richards refuses to let him anywhere near their two kids. But of course, since Denise won’t let Sam come to the Sober Valley Lodge for a second birthday party with him and the godesses, she is now a troll.

Sam’s birthday was yesterday … and we’re told Denise was steadfast — she was not going to let Charlie into her house to see the children because of Charlie’s craziness.  Turns out that wasn’t a problem, because Charlie never came.  He called in the evening to wish Sam a happy birthday, but that was it.

But now Charlie wants to have a big party at his house this weekend, celebrating Sam’s birthday, and inviting all her friends.  We’re told Denise is scoffing at the invitation and says Sam isn’t going, nor are any of her friends.

Meanwhile, the stress of watching her kids father in his hyper-manic state making a complete jackass out of himself on the daily is really getting to her. She’s looks tired and thin and over it. But good for her standing her ground and protecting her kids.